Don’t go to dream

It’s late I should be sleeping Instead I’m painfully awake. My conscience quickly leaping As my earth begins to quake Too tired to form a complete thought My brain procrastinates Distracted from the task at hand its quality dips Formless thoughts become Echos of those from my own Darkness inside

Cliff hanger

Pain pain go away, come again another day I’ll take a day when I am old When all my skin begins to mold When my eyes begin to drop And when my heart will start to stop I’ll cushion my own quick demise With happy thoughts and simple lies I


I’m sitting in the dentist waiting room and right in front of me is a bowl of apples. Do dentists hate doctors so much they’re willing to believe they can harness the power of apples to keep them away. Or is it that apples have an acid content that will


Do this. Do that. Do something. And then do it for a while. Never stop, get a trade and work, And try to fucking smile. Now please count yourself lucky But not lucky enough to count. Every penny that you earn Is not a big enough amount. For you to

Wandering clown.

I wandered lonely as a clown, “I do believe that you mean cloud” I do believe that you are wrong I know the sheet I’m singing from Clouds can start to dissipate Clowns end up just drinking late So who is more a lonesome soul The clouds above that start

“Poetry”, I don’t know how.

What the hell is poetry? “It’s verse and prose, just go with me” But I have not been taught to rhyme “Trust me son you’ll learn in time” I didn’t do it well before “Well maybe you should practice more” I don’t think I can do it well “Well really

Fucking James Blunt.

What a bunch of James Blunts we have in the world. I don’t mean cunts (ooh dropped the C bomb so early on – don’t alienate readers Jake), I mean James Blunts. Mopey fucking idiots who would write entire albums if they could on the tiny little things in their

Hotter (than George Michael)

I am loving this weather. You don’t understand how much joy it brings me, I love the sun, the warmth, the sweat dripping down my arse crack like a single marble rolling through the grand canyon. It’s wonderful. I love being so warm at night that I have been known

Jobless (more problems than jay-z)

So I currently don’t have a job. Other than my stand up comedy which honestly doesn’t pay enough for me to enjoy the lavish lifestyles rap videos tell me I should be aiming for. Jay-z may have had 99 problems but I feel like if one of those had been

Nonsense, inspiration and your mum. 

I haven’t written anything in a long time, and there’s probably been a multitude of reasons for that.  I’ve got a new job, before that I was on the cusp of homelessness and before that I was on the brink of suicide. What a bloody rollercoaster life is, only with

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