I haven’t written anything in a long time, and there’s probably been a multitude of reasons for that. I’ve got a new job, before that I was on the cusp of homelessness and before that I was on the brink of suicide.
What a bloody rollercoaster life is, only with much more twists, turns, drops and rises. I like roller coasters ALL the time, they’re a great ride (like your mum). Life on the other hand can often go fuck itself. I think that I’ve learnt a lot about myself in the last few months, I’ve learnt about my ability to make money and live thriftily. I’ve learnt that I’m much happier when I’m doing things for me and not just to make my rent and pay my bills. I was more content in the 5 months I was unemployed then the 9 years I spent working somewhere that I really didn’t want to. It made me realise that life doesn’t need to be something where you’re striving to be constantly happy but more something where you strive to be constantly content. That way, you can allow the happy and sad times to come and go, accept you will have them, and acknowledge that as long as you’re content with where your life rollercoaster is heading, you can enjoy the ride a lot more.
If you’re looking to be constantly happy then in my eyes you’re making a huge mistake, if your normal is happy, then you’re much less likely to notice and take in the good times. And the inevitable bad times life throws your way will feel much worse. We should all strive to simply feel not shitty. And if we’re feeling shitty then we need to not be afraid to make changes required in our lives to stop that. Not to feel constantly ecstatic, but to just wake up and not immediately shout “NO” at the world while counting down the seconds until you get to be back in bed and aren’t infringed by the inconvenience of being conscious. Which is how I’ve felt in the past.
I need to start blogging again more, it makes me feel good, keeps my brain feeling fresh and is also a strong finger work out (just like your mum).
This isn’t the best post I’ve written but I’m easing myself into it – insert mum joke here- and it’s more for me this one. However I hope you’ve enjoyed it too, which is exactly the last thing I said to your mum.
God I’m such a child.