Children.

People should need to pass a test to become parents. There would be questions like: Do you think your child will need a separate seat on the train? Are you planning on getting on a plane with this child in the next 10 years? Do you believe you shouldn’t give a child vaccines because they cause autism?

If you answer yes to any of these questions then no kids for you.

Because you’re a fucking selfish idiot.

Which means you will most likely produce more idiots.

It’s less eugenics more I.Queugenics.

Now go adopt a cat.

Or better yet, adopt a dog and then adopt a cat.

A puppy is like a baby and a dog basically grows up to be the perfect working example of the expression kids should be seen and not heard.

And then you’ve got a cat

Switches it’s mood instantly for no reason, disappears for three days without so much as a goodbye and then strolls back in without an explanation, just demanding food. Then goes to bed. Treating your house like a hotel. Only showing you affection when it wants something. Which is basically like spending your life with a teenager.

If your teenager acted out in protest by shitting on your sofa. That’s the only difference

Background image made by Danny Walsh

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