My Life; on Anti-Depressants

Day 30

Hi, sorry about yesterday’s lack of blog.  I got a little bit too drunk, it was my girlfriend’s birthday and we played a drinking game whilst watching Princess Bride.  Rules are as follows.  Drink every time the following words or phrases are said; “Inconceivable”, “As you wish”, “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die”, “The dread pirate Roberts”, “Fire Swamp” and “Cliffs of insanity”.  We also drank any time anyone said anything that rhymed, had a sword fight or said a great quote like “Life is pain, your highness, Anyone who says different is selling something”.  Needless to say, I was too drunk to write a blog by the end of the movie.  Good times!

The studio equipment has arrived so I’ve set it all up with my housemate and now I can’t wait to start filming videos for YouTube.  I also bought a bandanna today.  And I am rocking it.  30 days on anti-depressants has been a fun journey, I’ve changed a lot in those days and that’s definitely reflected in these blogs.  I spoke with a friend on the phone today and he told me that he’d started reading it.  He mentioned about the change from day 1 to around day 10.  I really enjoy writing this blog and I hope people do read it like a journey and start from the beginning.  I think the thing about this blog is that previously I’ve spoken about feelings of anxiety and depression but the good thing is I’m not having those feelings anymore so I end up not writing about them.  However I still want this blog to encourage other people to talk about their feelings.   Everyone has those feelings but talking about them feels so difficult.  I think that’s partly to do with the caring nature of humans, we don’t want to be a burden on people.  I can speak especially for the British people, we don’t like people to make a fuss over us.  As in to say, we don’t want people worrying and going out of their way to try and help us.  But talking to people is the best form of help, it’s like free therapy.  Admittedly it’s untrained therapy but it’s a start, the more you talk, the more likely you are to find a good listener.  And a lot of the time I think that’s all people need.

Another housemate of mine (I have 4) got a message from a girl saying that she didn’t want to see him again and he got kind of bummed out about it.  I think we’ve all been there, where we’ve felt rejected.  He could have quite easily just sat in his room and tried to deal with the situation himself but he came and spoke to myself and another housemate and we listened and helped him get over it.  I’ve had my heart broken and enough relationships or potential relationships end badly to have plenty to say on the matter.  It’s horrible and we can’t help but take it completely personally.  But it’s not completely down to you, there are always two people involved, at the very least, unless you’re breaking up with your hand because you’re seeing each other too much, been there too.  It’s not just because of you that they don’t want to be with you, it’s because of them too.  The fact is though, we meet so many people in our lives and no two people are the same.  So every cliche line is true, “I’ll never meet anyone like them”, “No one with make me feel like they did”.  Good!  Hopefully you’ll meet someone who actually wants to be with you and makes you feel even better.  We all change so much through our lives and to actually meet someone who, as you’re both changing individually, still want the same things and want to share all your life together with is pretty challenging.  Just accept the statistic that from the moment you have more than one failed relationship, you will always be more likely to fail when trying to meet the one.  Falling in love is fucking magical.  And breaking up with people is horrible but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still try.

If you haven’t read my blog before and you’ve enjoyed this one why not start from the beginning, I don’t always talk about love but I do try to always talk about my life and what’s on my mind.

Thanks for reading and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.

Jake

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