My Life; on Anti-Depressants

Day 15

Hello there readers of my blog.  In case you haven’t read any of my previous posts I’ll summarise.  15 days ago I started taking anti-depressants after feeling very depressed and getting signed off work for 54 days.  I only started taking the pills towards the end of that 54 weeks period, which I regret, so am now back at work doing a day job that was a huge contributing factor in my depression.  I have been performing stand up comedy for the last 3 years and 10 months.  I’ve also made a few podcasts and YouTube videos, and have many more planned.

Today I’ve mostly been at work, I did a 12 hour shift.  It was the longest shift I’ve had to do since going back to work but it was actually not bad.  I’m looking at work from a new perspective now thanks to my anti-depressants.  I’m remember the good rather than the bad.  And more importantly, I’m reminding myself it’s not permanent.  I get to go home at the end of the day and I will succeed as a comedian as long as I don’t give up.  I won’t say what I do for a day job but my day started at a psychiatric ward  where I was threatened by a patient there for laughing at something and ended with me having a deep conversation about the countries political issues with a lovely Quaker.  We also spoke about mental health.  It’s something that runs deep with everyone, it effects everyone in someway or another.  Yet we understand so little about the mind.  Where do thoughts come from?  What causes those neurotransmitters to fire?  What causes them to misfire?  We’re along way from understanding mental health but I believe that talking more about it is the best possible way forward.  I’m going to talk to my family soon about my previous mental state.  My depression, my thoughts of suicide.  I haven’t told them anything yet.  I don’t want them to worry but I feel like I’m at a point where I can explain where I was in life, what was wrong and more importantly how I’m resolving it.

I also found out today that someone I work with has a twin.  Which is a bizarre thing to see before you’ve heard about.  I had no idea and then all of a sudden there were two of the same person.  And we have to wear uniforms at work so they were wearing the exact same clothes. Same haircut, same weight, same glasses.  It’s was very hard to deal with first thing in the morning.

Tomorrow I’ve got some filming to do for a project I’m working with some university students on.  I play a burglar whose obsession with doughnuts gets him arresting and sent to court.  It’s been really fun filming so far and I’m looking forward to sharing it with people when it’s done.

Thanks for reading and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.

Jake

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