My Life; on Anti-Depressants

Day 13

Hey readers, how the fuck are you today?  I probably shouldn’t start a blog like that if I’m trying to get a new job, but then again I have a job now and I complain about that on here too… And my family don’t know I’m taking anti-depressants and felt suicidal before.  So this blog is a risk on three fronts.  But I’m happy so I don’t care.

I know I’ll talk to my family about the state of my mental health at some point but I just don’t feel ready yet.  My mum worries a lot about me anyway and just feel like that would make her worry more.  I just want to wait until I’m sure that I won’t be going back to feeling that way.  I know that obviously there is never any guarantee and it’s still only been 13 days.  But like I’ve said before, I do feel positive.  I had a conversation with someone today at work who has a brain tumour, he was really optimistic and a lovely guy.  He spoke about how his life had been affected, how for three years he was going to the doctors complaining about headaches and they just kept on sending him home to take paracetamol.  It was only when he went to Cyprus, where he was from, that they sent him for a brain scan straight away.  We spoke about life, and he mentioned that he was suffering a lot with depression at first.  And it kind of made me feel a bit silly.  I was depressed because my life wasn’t going how I wanted it too.  But this guy has a brain tumour.  In the reasons to be depressed top trumps, this guy had me beat.  He was inspirational to talk to, we were laughing together about his first job in a bakery where he said he almost ate them out of business.

Depression comes in all forms and can come from such a variety of places.  But no matter the cause there should never be a reason to not talk about it.  I know the world is a long way away from understanding mental health issues, I think we still think of them in the same way as we do physical illness, our broken arms are likely to be the same but our depressions could be completely different, could require completely different methods of treating.  We try and put everything into boxes so we can take in the information easier but our minds don’t fit in boxes.  We’re not designed to be confined or defined in such simple terms.  Our depression is perhaps our brain trying to tell us that.  I think the more we understand ourselves both as individuals and as a species, the better chance we have of creating a better world for ourselves to live in.  And the best way to do that is by being honest and talking to each other.

Thanks for reading and speak to you tomorrow.

Jake

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