My Life; on Anti-Depressant

Day 12

So, I already wrote this.  And it was amazing.  Hands down the best blog I’ve ever written, maybe even the best blog anyone has…  Then I accidentally deleted all of it without saving anything.  Fuck!

I’ll try to emulate the beauty I created but I’m rather annoyed right now.  Funnily enough I started by saying how work isn’t stressing me out as much, or at all really.  I was really worried that after having 54 days off that I’d feel really anxious and I was to begin with but I feel much better now.  I’m dealing with being on my own a lot better.

I’ve also been learning sound editing today so that I can get my newly recorded podcasts as clear and crisp as possible.  There’s nothing worse than a good idea executed badly.  That’s also why I’m holding back on recording more YouTube videos until I can afford better quality equipment.  But i’m feeling optimistic and positive about life, this blog, this podcast and my comedy in general.  To give you some indication as to where I am in my eventual dream becoming a reality, I have been gigging as a comedian for 3 and a half years.  I do some regular hosting and get the occasional paid gig but make nowhere near enough to become a full time comedian.  I want to use this blog as a way of tracking my comedy progression too.  I feel like this could be a good year for me in terms of growing as a comedian.  I’ve got some important gigs coming up and these anti-depressants have helped me get back into the right frame of mind to (hopefully) help me be the funniest me I can be.

Depression and stand-up comedy have always been linked, Robin Williams suffered greatly from it.  He was, in my opinion, the funniest man on the planet.  I was in constant awe of his ability to make anyone laugh, he lit up a room and I dream of one day be able to evoke such joy in so many people.  Standing on stage and making a room full of people laugh truly is the greatest feeling, who doesn’t like laughing or making people laugh.  And I think that’s certainly part of the problem, you can’t stay at that high.  Nothing in life can compare to you being the best version of you on stage.  But you can’t always be that person.  Comedians often say they put on a mask, that they go on stage and they’re a different person.  I think everyone does that in all walks of life.  We go through life wearing a series of different masks depending on the situation in order for life to be easier.  The mask of a comedian is one that can’t really be worn all the time but it’s also the one that’s the most fun to wear.  Life isn’t one big gig, it’s a series of gigs.  And it’s dealing with the times in between is the hardest.

Thanks for reading and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.

Jake

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