Today I’m feeling good. Yesterday after I finished my blog I felt re-energized and motivated to do more so I changed my entire WordPress lay-out, I finished my podcast idea and I’m in the process of booking guests for it too. I felt happier when I woke up today. I didn’t feel horrified about work, I told myself to just get on with it and that’s exactly what I did.
These pills are definitely helping with my ability to cope with stress. It’s still up to me whether I choose to be happy but these pills are definitely helping with the process of getting there. And I’m choosing to be happy right now. I feel confident in my podcast idea, I’m excited about building new content for this website and hopefully it can make people laugh because that’s what I love doing the most. And sleeping. I love that equally as much.
I’m working on a way of getting a decent digital camera so I can start to shoot video podcasts and other YouTube content but this Podcast mic/recorder has eaten into my monthly budget. I need to win the lottery, that would make everything easier. They say money doesn’t buy happiness but I beg to differ. If they give me money I’ll happily prove them wrong. I’ve always thought if I win the lottery that rather than tell people (more specifically my four housemates) I’d just wait for them to figure it out. Everyday I’d just come out of my room in a more extravagant outfit. And start buying random things for the house like a pet ostrich or a moat. Obviously they might notice me having a moat installed around a house in North London. It’s quite hard to surprise someone with a moat although Bam Margera did do it to his parents in Jackass so there’s hope.
I don’t read these blogs after they’re published (I read comments though so feel free to say hi) but I remember how I felt on day 1 compared to how I feel now and I’m feeling very positive about it. The anti-depressants are helping, of course, but I think writing has been a huge factor in my current mood and general attitude towards life. As long as I stay productive doing things that I enjoy when I can, then I can tolerate the times when I can’t. For now. I’d wanted to start a blog for so long but I’d always been so defeatist. I just thought what was the point, I didn’t think I had anything to write about but everyone has themselves and so everyone has something to write about. Writing, for me at least, is basically just that. I’m sharing my thoughts and feelings about my world with anyone who wants to read it. And it makes me feel less alone. Less lost in my own mind. There’s something so powerful in getting thoughts out of you head and clearing your mind. It’s like creative meditation.
I’ve gone on a bit in this one but that’s because I’m happy so this is good.
Thanks for reading and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.