Today was my first day back at work after being signed off for 54 days with depression and stress. It was tough getting to sleep the night before, I kept thinking about how I hadn’t managed to escape the clutches of my current day job. It felt like I’d only just drifted off when the alarm went off and after 4 snoozes I pulled myself out of bed and spent as long as possible standing in the shower trying to think happy thoughts.
I had a meeting with my boss, he’s actually a very understanding guy and I appreciate having such a caring manager. I explained to him that the only reason I’m back is money and I’m looking for other methods of employment. He’s actually encouraged me to pursue my stand-up comedy. Unfortunately his boss hates me.
I usually work alone but today I had a new employee with me which helped make the day go quicker and it felt much less stressful than before. I also ordered a new microphone/recorder to make a podcast. I’ve tried making a podcast in the past but much like the other things I’ve attempted, as listed in a previous post, I couldn’t commit to it. I only managed to record four episodes of ‘Ramblings of a Man; Possibly intoxicated‘. But with this new mic and a newly ignited, anti-depressant fueled passion for life I want to give it a go. I’m over exaggerating slightly with the whole passion for life thing, I’m not quite there yet. But I am feeling much more filled with optimism and less, you know, hate filled rage and emptiness combined with thoughts of impending doom.
I need to start doing more creative things along with this blog and so getting this mic was a priceless investment. Once I start, I hope to get the same joy that I do from comedy and this blog. Creative outlets are and infinite resource of happiness and just because during the day I have to do a crappy day job, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be doing what makes me the most happy when I’m not doing that crappy job. I need to stop letting the things that get me down, get me down when they’re not around. Live in the now more. Not all the time like Eckhart tolle suggests. I don’t think it’s realistic for anyone with ambition. Plus people need to feel sad about things from time to time, it’s a natural human emotion. But more focus on the now will certainly stop me worrying about the past and future. For now.
I’m off work tomorrow so that gives me plenty of time to plan out my new podcast ideas and write some new material for some big gigs I’ve got coming up. Life feels O.K right now. Not good, but not bad either.
Thanks for reading and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.