Day 24

I’ve just come back from a fantastic gig and I feel great.  I perform stand-up comedy which essentially, like anything creative, turns your life into an emotional roller coaster.  Before I started taking anti-depressants and writing this blog, some of the hardest times to deal with were just after gigs, when I’d be travelling home alone knowing that my life wouldn’t reach that same level of happiness until the next time I got back on stage.  Everything else in my life paled in comparison.  Like I said I suppose this rings true with anyone who does something creative, or even just anyone who has figured out what they want to do with their life.  Life should be as simple as figuring out what you want to do that will make you happy and then trying to achieve it, but of course life’s not as easy as that.  It makes the times when you’re not able to do what you want to do, or actively work towards it, feel insufferable.

It’s sometimes harder to look at the bigger picture, the reason behind why you’re doing the things you don’t want to do.  I currently have to work a day job that to say I dislike is an understatement, but the reason I’m doing it is to fund the rent I pay to live in a house, the electric to power the laptop to write this blog, the food and water I need to survive and arguably most importantly, fund my dream of becoming a stand-up comedian.  It’s currently a necessary evil in my life that I’ve learnt to accept is actively working towards what I want to do in life.  This is a huge thing for me, as my day job was the predominant cause of my depression, or at least the catalyst.  It’s the closest I can get to turning my day job into a positive thing.

I know a lot of people don’t know what they want to do with their life, but knowing what you do want to do can be a gift and a curse.  The pressure we put on ourselves to achieve things is immense.  Deciding what you want to do with your life so adamantly means every other option is considered not what you really want and therefore a failure.  Whereas if you don’t know what you want to do, you kind of have more chance of stumbling into happiness.  The problem with knowing is you immediately start putting deadlines on things, by this time I need to be here in my dream or I’ll be behind.  You start comparing yourself to other people and worrying about things that haven’t happened.  But you can’t compare yourself to other people, we’re all travelling down our own paths and sometimes paths cross.  Stick to your own path and you’ll be fine.  The good thing about knowing what you want is the only time you can fail is when you stop trying.

Thanks for reading and I’ll speak to you tomorrow

Jake

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