My Life; on Anti-Depressants

Day 22

Happy Monday everyone, I don’t think I’ve said that and meant it in a while.  You know when you finally do something that you’ve been putting off or forgetting to do for ages, it’s such a relief, it’s like when you’re bursting for a pee and finally make it to the bathroom, all that glorious release of tension, it’s so amazing you have to vocalise it even though no one is around to hear you.  After doing this task I made that pee noise.

I worked today, as in day job real work.  Part of my job involves a lot of driving and I’m thinking about recording another solo podcast of me talking while I drive, I’ve spoken about the idea with a friend, he actually suggested I do it and call it “Drive time with Jake” which I really like.  I may try the first one tomorrow to see if it works.  I do this a lot though, embark on epic projects never to reach completion.  I believe I’ve spoken about this extensively in other blog posts but I’m what I’d like to describe as a ‘give it ago-er’, and I’ve given a lot of things a go… if you know what I mean.  That’s not a sexual thing at all I just felt the need to put that in there… It felt right.  I’m still in the process of editing my other podcast for release, of which I have 6 episodes recorded with 7, 8, 9 and 10 all lined up with 1 confirmed date.  But I really want to do a solo podcast too, Essentially I’m giving myself loads to do because I’ve been able to do this one thing for 22 days now (technically 21, I missed one night due to heavy alcohol consumption).  However I am going to take a huge positive out of that, 22 days ago, I wouldn’t have been trying to do so much because I didn’t believe in myself, I didn’t think I could do much of anything really.

That’s down, predominately, to 3 things; Anti-depressants, Writing and Communicating. I’ve spoken to more people in these past 22 days about depression and mental health than I think I may have in the entire rest of my life.  And It’s made me feel so much less alone. Depression does that to you, it makes you feel alone and trapped.  Trapped inside your own thoughts, locked in your own mind.  And that can be a scary place to be, it’s full of past experiences and memories, impossible to answer questions about the future and anxiety. But it doesn’t have to be if you take the time to remember that the present is just as important if not more so.  The present can’t affect your past but it can have a huge effect on your future.

Thanks for reading and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.


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